A lifetime goal and only one mile left. Crowds lining the streets cheering. Every muscle telling her it can't go on but the soul tells her to push through. Five months of training and over 500 miles. Finish line in sight, approaching, and then behind her. The race is over.
Julie, good post! I think some short descriptors would help draw the reader into your story by getting into the runner's head. The ending was almost anti-climatic - I expected a fall or a win.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Martha's comments that I was expecting more at the end. I did like the build-up throughout, just was expecting something out of the ordinary to happen.
ReplyDeleteAs the others said the end was a bit anti-climatic. I would have shortened or split some of the sentences as well. The short sentences would help the reader invision a runner out of breath or struggling to finish.
ReplyDeleteI got the story line and as all others indicated, it stopped short of a logical ending. Was there a win, a relief that the goal of finishing was achieved, etc.
ReplyDeleteJulie, as others have noted the ending could have had a little extra oomph in it. Though as a runner I know sometimes it isn't about how you place in the race the race can be more figurative , i.e. the race/ battle with herself in reaching one of her lifetime goals may be the important message here.
ReplyDeleteJulie, I like your story a lot. I loved the build up to your ending. It seems like this person struggled to finish and when they finished I could picture the joy on this person face because they had work so hard to get to that point.
ReplyDeleteVery exciting build up to the end of the story. However, maybe because of the great job you did in getting the reader to the end of the story, I felt the climax was not strong enough to create a lasting impression in the reader's mind.
ReplyDeleteNice a complete vision of triumph in attaining a goal, inspiring like "Rocky". "Yo Adrienne!"
ReplyDeleteAccomplishment
ReplyDelete